Yesterday, I put the finishing touches on the syllabus I’m handing out the first day of class. I’m teaching Senior Portfolio Design. In one part of the document, I had to write down the grading criteria. A student’s total grade will be divided among class projects, final portfolio, presentation style, and class participation. And although other instructors in the past have given a portion of the grade based on attendance, I decided I couldn’t do that. I think that’s crazy.

I don’t think you should be rewarded just for showing up.

If you sign up for this class, I expect you to show up. It’s the only way to participate in class. It’s the only way to do the in-class projects. It’s the only way we can work on your portfolio and make it better. You get credit for all of these points. But not for just showing up.

Imagine this conversation with my boss a year from now “I would like a raise. I know I didn’t make any contributions this year. I didn’t do anything extra. But I did show up every day. I think I should be rewarded.”

She’d kick me out of her office.

What about this conversation “It’s not my fault my project stinks, you never provided any feedback. How was I to know that everything was wrong – you’re the expert not me. And yes, it’s true, by not coming to work, I didn’t give you the opportunity to look at my projects – but nowhere in the job requirements did it list coming to work everyday as a requirement.”

What?

I shouldn’t have to tell you to that coming to work (or class) is important. You can’t succeed if you don’t show up. Showing up is the minimum. But it’s also the foundation of everything.

The last time I checked I couldn’t read minds from great distances. So I have no idea what you’re thinking unless you tell me. Hey, I can’t even read your body language if I can’t see you.

I admit I maybe a little bit crazy about this – but I don’t think so.

1.12.12

I interview a lot of people. That’s an understatement. I interview a ton of people. Last year, I met over 100 people. By the time they get to me, most have met multiple people within our organization. I have reviewed their work. I want to make sure these people know what will be expected of them as a part of our organization.

In short, if you get this far, your 95% of the way to getting a job offer.

But I can’t tell you how many people screw up the last 5%. In fact, I’ve noticed a trend. I’ve narrowed it down to these few items you should never say, ask or do in an interview. It’s only 5 – so it should be pretty easy to remember.

• “I know I’m here for the (insert job) position. But what I’m really interested in is the (insert different job) position.” BIG MISTAKE. Once you get the job, we can talk about career path and career advancement – but never say you don’t want the job you’re interviewing to get. I want someone who would walk over hot coals for this position. Who will be relentless until they get it right. Who won’t quit. I don’t want someone who is only taking this as a holding pattern to get to something else. Sorry, you don’t get the job.

• “How much money will I make and when can I expect a review for more money?” This is a bad question because I don’t want to hire people who are only interesting in the position for the paycheck. The reason; there’s someone out there in some company who will always offer more. And you’ll leave. I don’t want to take the time and effort to train you, teach you everything we do to create great award-winning work only to have someone call an offer you $5,000 more – and you leave for the money. Plus – I probably don’t know the answer because I don’t want to negotiate with you. Other people in the organization will talk money. Never the hiring manager. Never bring up money. If someone brings it up to you, that means we’re ready to make an offer. But don’t bring it up first.

• “You know, I’ve spoken to so many people, I really don’t have any questions.” BAD ANSWER. If someone asks you if you have any questions about the organization, ask a question. Even if you’ve already asked it of someone else. Even if you already know the answer. Ask something. The interviewer wants to hear you talk. The interviewer wants to hear what’s on your mind. The question could be lob back at the interviewer “What made you want to join the company?” Anything. Just don’t say “No, nothing…”

• “What are the office hours?” YES, people actually ask this question. It’s usually a part of the work/life balance question. While I completely support a work/life balance, the official office hours at an advertising agency are this: arrive in the morning – leave when you’re done. An advertising agency is a service company. When we no longer provide the service – they find someone else.

• “How long will I have to do this job, before I can get a promotion?” Hmmm, never. Some people are promoted quickly. Some are not. Talent. Situation. Group. Supervisor. All have something to do with promotions. But mostly talent and attitude. If you’re really good and really willing to do anything for the company, you’ll be rewarded. I don’t want someone who is already looking past the job offered to the next job. Sorry, you don’t get the job either.

There are many things that factor into getting a job in advertising. Talent is one. Attitude is another. How you present yourself in the interview is a third.

But what comes out of your mouth is (by far) the most important. So, if you don’t get the job you were hoping for, think back at something you may have said. And kick yourself in the ass.

1.11.12

I’m reading a book, about a man who can go back in time. And once there, change the course of the future. I haven’t finished the book, so I don’t know the outcome. Can you can the future? Does he mess up the future? What happens? I don’t know yet.

But it got me thinking:

Looking back on my career, what were the defining moments? What were decisions that, if I made a different choice, would have altered my career?

1) Turning down a job at BBDO. It was the 80’s. BBDO was the hot shot. The Pepsi shop. They were the hardest working agency in NYC at the time. People joked that their initials stood for ‘bring is back and do it over.’ I was working at Saatchi & Saatchi at the time on Nabisco products. BBDO offered me a job working on coffee and soap. It was an Associate Creative Director position. I was already an ACD, and was looking for the next step. I turned it down. Two weeks later we lost all the Nabisco products after the agency ran an anti-smoking TV spot for Northwest Airlines. Ah, Nabisco was own by RJ Reynolds, a tobacco company. My days at Saatchi were numbers. I didn’t know it at the time. But this was the beginning of two years of bad jobs.
2) McCann-Erickson to Ogilvy to Dancer Fitzgerald Sample. I worked at three agencies in three days. I was working at McCann. I had survived through three creative director changes. Didn’t really like CD #3. I was offered a job at Ogilvy to work on TWA. Sounded interesting. I liked Ogilvy. I would work there years later. So I quit my job at McCann on a Friday. Unfortunately, Ogilvy lost the TWA business over the weekend. They called and told me they had no job for me. Opps. Luckily, Dancer Fitzgerald Sample, an agency that I also interviewed, called to offer me a job on the same day. So I resigned a job, lost a job and got a job all within three days. I was lucky. What would have happened if I didn’t get the DFS job?
3) Going Back. I was fired from an agency. Six months later they offered me my job back. I decided not to take it because we could never really come to terms on what were would say, how much I would make, and what the ‘spin’ would be to the press. I wish we could’ve figured that out. I liked that job.
4) Not Standing Up For A Co-Worker. A guy I was working for was going to be let go. The president of the company called me into his office to let me know. I was shocked. If I said ‘you let him go, let me go, too’ probably would have saved his job for a short time. I didn’t. I listened. Was upset. Left the office. When he was fired I felt like I betrayed a friend. I’ve discussed this with him on several occasions when we still get together. He feels nothing would have saved him. I wasn’t my fault. Although I always felt I should have done more.
5) Working in Allentown. Of course, my first work experience was as a newspaper reporter. I did it for only a few weeks. I hated it. But what if I had gotten a job in Philadelphia or New York or Washington, DC? Would I have stayed in the newspaper business longer and not worked in advertising at all? We’ll never know.

There have probably been thousands of decisions that would have changed my career path. Of course, you never know it at the time. Hey, writing this entry could change my career.

But somehow, I doubt it.

My son is 9 years old. Yet at times, I can’t believe the things that come out of his mouth and the conversations we’re having. There are times when I have to use all of my will power not to laugh, all of my creativity to come up with an answer, and all of my common sense as a parent not to ‘really’ answer his questions.

Here are snippets of recent conversations:

ADVERTISING:
Son: Dad, what’s erectile dysfunction?
Me: (Without a moment of hesitation) It’s when you can’t stand up straight. You know how people say to stand erect – we’ll people with erectile dysfunction can’t stand up straight.
Son: Oh, I think Grammy has that.

KISSING:
Son: (Directed to me & my wife) So, I have a question for you, after I go to bed, do you and mom stay up all night ‘French kissing?’
Wife: Do you know what French kissing is?
Son: Yes, (he sticks out his tongue)
Me: Yup, every night. That’s why we put you to bed so early.

MUSIC:
Son: Hey dad, you know that song “Sexy and I know it?”
Me: Yes.
Son: Does what does LMFAO mean?
Me: It stands for Loud Men with Flat Abs Only, that’s why they’re so sexy.
Son: I have flat abs.
Me: Yes, you do.
Son: Does that mean you’re not sexy?
Me: Probably.

FAMILY:
Son: Aren’t we part Russian?
Me: Yes, my Grandmother was born in Russia.
Son: Do you think that we could be related to the Czar? You know they never found Anastasia.
Me: My Grandmother would have been too old to be Anastasia, but my Aunt Annie would have been the right age.
Son: You mean, Aunt Annie could have been Princess Anastasia?
Me: Could be – and that would make you a Prince.
Son: I don’t want to be Prince. I want to be Czar.
Me: Yes, your highness.

GIRLS:
Son: Dad, all the boys have crushes on girls.
Me: Do you know what a crush is?
Son: Yes, when you like someone as more than just a friend and you do all stupid stuff together.
Me: Like what kind of stuff?
Son: You know, hanging out all the time on the playground. Talking all the time.
Me: That doesn’t sound like fun.
Son: Especially the talking part.
Me: Yup, especially that part.

I know that I will soon miss these chats. In a short time, I will go from being the smartest man in the world to a complete idiot. It’s bound to happen. When it does, I’ll let you know.

1.9.12

Were you ever in a meeting with someone who was asking you to do something, and by the end of the meeting you realize you have absolutely no idea what he or she is asking you to do? And the explanation was so long and so circuitous that you’re too embarrassed to say: “So, what are you actually asking me to do?”

I hate those meetings

I hate them because they’re worse than not having a meeting at all. They’re confusing. They’re usually conflicting. And worse of all, they’re paralyzing. Because you really don’t know what was asked, you spend the next few hours, days or meetings trying to figure out the meaning of the original meeting.

What happens?

You pick a course of action and pray for the best. You know you have to do something, I mean; you can’t ignore the request (even though you have no idea what the request was asking). You chart a course and off you go. You have a 50/50 chance of being correct.

Ah, but that’s the fallacy. You actually have a .000001% chance of being correct.

Odds are, you’ve now wasted time, energy, resources and passion on the wrong thing. And there’s a very painless and easy way to avoid all of this: the meeting recap.

It’s a lost art. But saves thousands of hours doing the wrong thing.

At the end of the meeting, instead of thinking “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you say these magic words: “OK, to recap, next steps are…”

If you’ve guessed correctly, everything is fine. If you’re wrong, then the meeting organizer will say “No, let’s me be tell you exactly what I’m looking for.” And while for about 30 seconds you may feel like you’ve failed – you’ve actually helped everyone in the room. You’ve won. 30 seconds of pain is nothing in comparison to all the wasted hours with the wrong or bad direction.

There’s also another benefit. Everyone else in the room will love you. Trust me, you’re not the only person in the room who had no idea what was being asked. Most times, the entire room in clueless. Nobody wants to admit it.

So there you have it. Move forward. Fear not. You now have a secret weapon against bad direction. The upside: you have better meetings. The downside: everyone starts recapping all of my meetings.

1.8.12

I went to college.

I know because I recently had to get a copy of my college transcripts so I could teach an advertising portfolio class at a local college. But here’s the strange part. When I looked at my transcripts, I didn’t remember taking half of the classes on the list.

Now, I can understand not remembering some of the content. But I don’t remember anything about the class. Don’t remember choosing it. Don’t remember attending any of the classes. Don’t remember having any discussion with any professors.

Now this scares me.

Did I attend these classes? I must have, I got good grades in all of them. Did I just not care about the subject matter, so I did enough to get through the class, but never really absorbed the material? What was the deal?

Here are the classes I don’t remember:

1) Anthropology 301: At some point in my junior year I had to take an anthropology class. Now, I work in advertising – this should have been very interesting to me. It’s described as ‘what defines human life and origins.” Now that sounds fascinating. I would like to take that class now. I have no memory of it. My grade: A
2) Introduction to Media 100: I had to take a media planning and buying class. What? Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I know how to figure out TRPs and GRPs. I know the basics of ratings points and impressions. But I took a class in this? Zip. Nothing. Don’t remember even sitting in the class. My Grade B+
3) Tennis and Scuba Diving: OK – I remember taking these classes. Two physical education classes were a requirement. Can you image? Now, during the “Mad Men” era of advertising, knowing how to play tennis or scuba dive (I’m sure) was very important. But unless I’m entertaining client while on a shoot in The Cayman Islands, I don’t see how this was much use. Each was worth 2 credits. My grades: A & B
4) Photography: I guess this explains the stack of 35mm negatives I recently found. I don’t remember ever being in a classroom talking about the theories of photography. Studying the great photographic masters of the past. Looking at great shots from great shooter. Nope. I do remember owning a Konica AutoFlex T manual camera that was stolen. I remember I loved that camera. Don’t remember the class. My grade A

Here’s the other strange thing. While I have photographs from my college graduation, I have no memory of the actual ceremony. Bill Cosby was the keynote speaker. His topic to inspire us: I have no idea. I can’t remember a single word he said. I do remember working with him years later on two TV projects and he always referred to himself in the third person. “I’m sorry, Bill Cosby wouldn’t say that.” (I wanted to say, ‘aren’t you Bill Cosby?)

I guess this means that college gave me the degree I needed to begin my career, but I really learned my career by working in advertising. Now, I will admit, the curriculum at my college is VERY different today than it was when I was there. I’m sure they are preparing people much better today than in my day.

But than again, I recently interviewed someone from my college, and his portfolio was awful. So perhaps things haven’t changed at all.

Recently I heard something terrible. A story that had a very sad ending.

Someone I know just had a terrible experience, where something really awful happened on a flight. When the person telling me the story was finished with the awful ending, I started chuckling. In fact, everyone in the room started chuckling.

And that’s because the person who had this terrible experience was one of the meanest, nastiest, lack of compassion person we all had ever met. And the general feeling in the room was ‘well, what goes around.”

OK, I will admit it. I feel bad about it. But I will also admit that I’ve re-told the story 3-4 times and have laughed every time.

It’s like how you cheer when the water in the Wizard of Oz melts the Wicked Witch of the West. She got what she deserved.

But that led me to a bigger thought. Is there such thing as karma?

Do good things happen to good people, and bad things eventually happen to bad people?

We’ve all witnessed both sides of this argument. Nasty, backstabbing people, who get ahead on the back of the nice, well meaning people. But I’ve also heard opposite side of that story. When someone who worked hard their entire life, is recognized as a hero in their community for making a huge different although they never made a dime.

I want to believe in karma. I want to believe that I’ve done far more good in my life than bad, and that I project an aura of good karma. I know when I do something nice for someone, I feel better. I have a spring in my step. It helps me get through my day.

Here’s the strangest thing – in the middle of writing this entry, my daughter called me about an issue she was having at work. She was at a crossroad and wanted my advice. She asked, “Should I do what’s best for me, or what’s the right thing to do?” She was leaning to doing the right thing, even though it would mean losing money. I told her about karma. And that doing this good deed would come back to her later.

She’s calling her boss as I type.

So, I guess I have to stop laughing at poor person who had this terrible experience. Because even if she is the meanest person on the planet, that doesn’t excuse my behavior. I don’t want any bad karma.

Perhaps I’ll send her a card. Or not.