I admit it. I listen to other people’s conversations on public transportation. I think real dialogue is so funny. And that people sometimes have no idea that what they’re saying is so funny. The other thing I love about listening to random conversations, is that you don’t know the context. You only know the sound bite.

Here are a few that I’ve heard this week.

British or Canadian?
Guy #1: Who do you think you could trust, somebody British or Canadian?
Guy #2: Dunno, they both talk funny, I don’t know if I could trust anybody who talks like that.
Guy #1: I think I would trust the Canadian dude.
Guy #2: I never met any Canadians.
Guy #1: Those British guys think they’re all, like, Kings and Queens.
Guy #2: But Canadians only play hockey.
Guy #1: White dudes with sticks. You’re right, I can’t trust that.

Women talking about men
Woman #1: Did he call?
Woman #2: No.
Woman #1: I told you he wasn’t going to call.
Woman #2: But he said he was going to call.
Woman #1: Men lie. All men lie. (Looks at me – sees I’m listening) Oh, no offense.
Me: No, I agree.
Woman #1: See that, even men know they all lie.
Woman #2: But he said he was going to call.
Woman #1: Your problem, it you want to believe. You can’t believe. You can’t.
Woman #2: I’m calling him.
Woman #1: I’ll tell you what I’m calling him – I’m calling him an asshole.

Men talking about women
Man #1: You find a job yet?
Man #2: No, but I told my wife I did.
Man #1: So, your wife thinks you’re at work now?
Man #2: Probably not. She probably thinks I already got fired.
Man #1: When did you start this job?
Man #2: Yesterday.
Man #1: And you got fired already. Man, you’re a loser.
Man #2: That what my wife says.

E-Mail
Man: Guess how many e-mails I got today?
Woman: 200
Man: More
Woman: 500.
Man: More. How about 618? And guess how many were cover your ass e-mails?
Woman: 618?
Man: No, 617. I got a confirmation e-mail for my lunch order. That doesn’t count.
Woman: But isn’t a confirmation e-mail kind of covering their ass – you know – that they didn’t get your order screwed up.
Man: Thanks. That just ruined my day. I was hoping for one non-CYA e-mail. You had to burst my bubble. You had to trample on my hopes and dreams.
Woman: You’re welcome.

There you have it. E-mail sucks, men lie, men are losers and you can’t trust anyone from Canada. That’s what’s on the minds of commuters on the NYC subways system.

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