I’ve created a fantasy football monster.

Screen shot 2013-09-16 at 12.23.13 PM

I introduced my son to Fantasy Football.  Now we have two people addicted to the score and stats of the NFL. Him and me.

The fantasy league actually began several years ago by my nieces and nephews.  They thought it would be fun to have a custom league that is made up only of family and friends.  After a few years, I was invited to join.  And I will admit, it is a lot of fun. And while the football part is competitive, the real fun is the smack talk between family members and the funny team names people give their individual teams.

Some of the names that have appeared in the league over the past few years:


Tampon Monsters

Dan’s Pillow Biters

Vaginal Infectionist

Baron Uterus

Green Bowl Packers

Beeej’s JOO’s

Atomic Punk

Aggravated Mayhem

Hold Mah Vick


Electric Boogaloo

& I Did Big Ben

I know, low-ball humor (no pun intended) – but what can you expect from a league named ‘the cumbacks.’

But now that my 11-year-old is in the league (named Max-imum Velocity), I’ve noticed the names have calmed down a bit. But the smack talk has not let up a bit. In fact, my son is about to go 2-0 on our league – and he’s dishing it out.

The other thing I’ve noticed is how excited and nervous he gets on game day. Yesterday, after the first 3 minutes of the 1st quarter, my son announced to me that he was ‘benching Aaron Rogers next week, and playing Eli Manning instead.’  Of course by the end of the first half, he was claiming how brilliant he was for picking Aaron Rogers.  (Rogers-54.20 points, Manning-21.73)  He also was talking about cutting his tight end Jermichael Finley – right up until he starting catching passes and a touchdown.

I’ve also noticed he’s a shrewd GM. Last week, he picked up the Kansas City defense because they were playing Jacksonville. And what happened?  KC promptly has 6 sacks, 2 interceptions, and a defensive touchdown.  All while holding Jacksonville to 2 points.  In the entire Yahoo Fantasy universe – only 4% of people started the Kansas City defense.  My son scored 34.00 points.

But now, in typical fantasy football team owner – he’s taking it a bit too far. He’s beginning to look ahead. “Dad, I play Atomic Punk on a week when New Orleans has a bye week – so he has to sit Drew Brees. I think I can win that game….”

Right now, all is good in the world.  His team is undefeated. He’s sitting at #2 in the league. The schedule looks good for the next few weeks.

That is until week #9.  That’ll be the interesting week. That’s when Max-imum Velocity plays Tastee Sub Shop.

Yes, that week – he plays me.  Let the smack talk begin.

— to be continued.



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