Stupid Holidays

Did you ever wonder who picks the holidays we get off from work? Not that I’m complaining, I love getting days off just like everyone else. But why these particular holidays? I was looking at the calendar, and I noticed that today, January 20th is Camcorder Day, National Disc Jockey Day and International Fetish Day. (And of course, in a Presidential election year it would be Inauguration Day.)

Why don’t we get these days off?

Who decided the Columbus Day was more important that National Disc Jockey Day. I know I listen to the radio every day. I really like the announcers – although I probably don’t call them Disc Jockeys any more. Why shouldn’t I get today off to celebrate Nick Cannon with my family?

And what about International Fetish Day. All over the world people are celebrating their fetishes. Why not the people in my office? I’m sure lots of people around here would like to celebrate with their fetish friends from around the globe.

But, of course, every day is some holiday. A simple search on the Internet will show you exactly what we’re missing. Here are some of my favorites:

January 22: Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day. Did I miss something? Exactly when did cats learn to speak? Did we have a “Planet of the Apes” moment and I didn’t notice.

January 25: World Leprosy Day. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to a huge party for leprosy. Last time I heard about leprosy, a Roman was burning out a dungeon cell in “Ben Hur.”

March 10: International Fanny Pack Day. Unless the fanny pack is on Jennifer Lopez’s fanny, I’m not interested.

March 20: Kiss Your Fiancée´ Day. I’m sorry; you need a special day for this? Shouldn’t you want to kiss your fiancée´ every day?

June 2: Yell ‘fudge’ at the cobras in North America Day. What the hell is this one? First of all, are there cobras in North America? Secondly, why tease them by yelling ‘fudge.’ Why don’t we all just yell ‘fudge’ at each other, then go get a chocolate milk shake?

June 19: World Sauntering Day. Now this seems like fun. Let’s all walk the streets like John Travolta in “Saturday Night Fever.” This one I like.

But of course, I think my favorite stupid holiday is:

November 17: National ‘Unfriend’ Day. The day to clean out all those FACEBOOK friends that are really not friends.

In case you want a day-by-day calendar of incredibly stupid holidays, go to

And thank goodness tomorrow’s Saturday, I wouldn’t want to miss celebrating ‘Fancy Rat and Mouse’ Day. I’ll be in the subway. See you there.

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